Friday wrote me off. Heat exhaustion had me horizontal, questioning everything. By Saturday, there was only one fix—the woods. My usual patch of common land, tucked away just enough to disappear for the night.
I rolled in late, knackered, ready to crash. Pulled up to the entrance where I normally hide the bike…
And there it was.
Someone had taken a poop right on the trailhead. Not off to the side. Not buried. Right where you walk in. Wipes and tissue scattered like they made zero effort to hide it.
I bumped into the local forest dweller—the guy actually lives out there—and we had the strangest conversation. After a bit of back and forth, we landed on the same conclusion:
This wasn’t random. This was intentional.
Too exposed. Too risky. Whoever did it knows the area. Likely the tent dweller in the nearby field. It felt more like marking territory than anything else—with zero respect for Leave No Trace.
The worst part? I had a takeaway hanging off my bike. Still warm. Completely killed the appetite. No chance I’m eating that with a fresh human poop a few feet away.
So instead of leaving, I did what anyone stubborn enough would do—moved deeper into the woods and carried on.
The Development Cloud
This stretch of common land is marked for development, which is a real loss. For somewhere this close to the city, the wildlife is unreal:
- Foxes moving through at night
- Rabbits living wild in the brush
- Bats cutting through the sky at dusk
- Seeing rabbits in the middle of an urban area isn’t normal—it means the place is still properly alive.
The Mouse That Would Not Quit
My mate had the better story.
Woke up in the night for a bathroom break, left his tent open for a few minutes, came back and passed out. Next thing—rustling.
He wakes up to a mouse inside his tent, eating his cheesy chips.
He catches it, throws it out, zips up, goes back to sleep.
A few minutes later—rustling again.
Same mouse. But this time it brought a mate.
Both of them straight back on the food like they owned the place. At that point, you’ve lost. That’s their tent now.
The Urban Stealth Reality
Two takeaways from the night:
- Wildlife will take your food if you give them the chance
- Humans can be worse than animals when it comes to mess
- Leave No Trace isn’t optional—it’s the bare minimum
I’ll still be back. Just hiding the bike deeper next time… and eating before I arrive.
Urban Stealth — for when the wild is right on your doorstep, for better or worse.
